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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22952686">Meet Me At The Overpass</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/awstensnewwave/pseuds/awstensnewwave'>awstensnewwave</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Waterparks (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cold, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Other, Platonic friendships, Rain, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sadness, friendships, no gawsten smut lol, seriously it's just a friendship thing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 11:48:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,542</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22952686</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/awstensnewwave/pseuds/awstensnewwave</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Awsten Knight's brain is messed up, and he knows it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>platonic!gawsten</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Here For Nothing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Rain was belting down from the skies. It was the type of rain that was bitterly cold, the sharp and almost dagger-like droplets burrowing their way through the bones of every bit of exposed skin, and quickly soddening any clothing you were wearing; combined with the strong gusts of winds, it was the type of weather that nobody wanted to go out in. This weather was the type of weather that forced news reports to tell the public to 'not go outside' unless it was 'dire' and 'urgent'. In a fucked up sense, people actually seemed to give a flying fuck about the homeless people of the state whenever one of these weather patterns happened. They would go all soft for them, post online about magically having a spare room that they could sleep in, to get them out 'of the horrendous storm, oh my! How could somebody sleep outside like this? They would die!'. </span>
</p><p>It was a fucked up world. </p><p>Nonetheless, Awsten was outside right now. </p><p>He wasn't homeless. Well, not offically, anyways. All he could remember was the fact that he had left his apartment after a fight.</p><p>That was it.</p><p>He couldn't remember if him leaving could even be described as 'dire' or 'urgent', but alas, here he was. Sitting on the side of an overpass that overlooked what he presumed to be some sort of playpark or private road. The overpass he was sitting on <em>was</em> a road, or at least he<em> presumed</em> it to be - it was either a main road that wasn't being used currently because everybody was staying inside, or it wasn't a main road and barely anybody used it anyways, regardless of how awful the weather was. </p><p>The human brain was a weird thing. </p><p>
  <span>More specifically, <em>emotions</em> made by <em>the human brain</em> was a weird fucking thing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your body could be fine, you could be in perfect health, yet emotions could make it feel like the muscles of your heart were getting slowly ripped apart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sadness. <em>Fucking, sadness.</em> </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was an awful emotion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aside from the sensation of your heart being ripped to shreds, it made disgustingly awful noises fall out from the back of your throat, your nose and eyes run like mad, and make stupid small things such as curling up on a bed and holding your (ex)lovers pillow close to you painful to do; the simple scent of their skin would make the entire world feel like it was breaking below your very feet. Sadness was an emotion Awsten had hidden away for so long. <em>It wasn't manly to cry! </em>He was twenty eight and had just watched a sad movie, <em>he was such a stupid crybaby</em> for simply shedding a tear at something like that. <em>He didn't wanna be a crybaby! </em></span>
</p><p>Emotions could also make you feel like you were about to die, as well. Which was fun. If Awsten was simply going shopping like a normal functioning human would do, and there was a sudden loud bang, then his brain would instantly send out fun hormones such as <em>Cortisol!</em> And <em>Adrenaline! </em></p><p>
  <em>Fun!</em>
</p><p>His heart, instead of being ripped apart, would start to beat uncontrollably. His hands would shake. His legs would shake. His throat would close up and even more stress and anxiety would flood his central nervous systems with the thought that he was gonna <em>die from an asthma attack, oh fuck-he hadn't had an attack since he was six, in fact he grew out of asthma by the time he was ten, and oh fuck, oh no, was he wetting himself from fear? </em></p><p>Most times, he would have to set down the basket of items and make his way to a toilet to eliminate the contents of his stomach. Oh yeah! The Anxiety Emotion also would make him vomit like crazy, even if there was nothing inside of his stomach! Throwing up stomach acid was so much fun! Not. Obviously not. The chances of him throwing up acid was also greately increased as anxiety would make him not wanna eat in the<em> first fucking place. </em></p><p>
  <span>Emotions, on the other side of the spectrum, could also completely numb a person. Even if they were going through intense physical pain, if a certain type of emotion was strong enough, it could make said pain feel like a simple, short pin-prick. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And that was the emotion Awsten was feeling right now. </span>
</p><p>Pure and utter numbness. </p><p>He knew that, at some point, he had gone through the sadness. He had gone through the sobbing and cry-screaming and the feeling of his heart getting ripped apart. He had also felt the pure wave of anxiety, right after the sadness had occured.</p><p>And now...Numb. </p><p>
  <span>His teeth were chattering. He could feel himself shaking uncontrollably. He could see that the tips of his fingers were starting to turn blue from the freezing-cold temperatures. The clothes he was wearing, a simple short-sleeved shirt, thin pyjama pants, and a pair of yellow slip-on vans, were clinging to his body, revealing just how much weight he had lost.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> But he felt no pain from any of this. It was as if he was inside of his own brain, watching all his actions through a </span>
  <span>gigantic cinema-movie screen. When he was looking down at his body, it just didn't feel like his body. Nothing felt like it was belonging to him...That was an emotion that he had never felt before, but he was too numb to even properly-fucking-process it! All he could do was rest his forehead against the metal bars that ran along the ledge (which was the only thing stopping him from falling off), and hope that the sensation went away soon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His legs were dangling in between the railings of the overpass, suspended into seemingly nothingness. It was night-time, the skies being covered in a sheet of black clouds. There was no moon out tonight, nor stars. He weakly glanced to his left, looking at the end of the overpass, and at a small row of shops. Currently, those shops were his only light source. How they were still open, even in this sort of weather, was certainly a mystery to him. If his brain was letting him feel some kind of dumbass emotion, anything other than 'numb', he probably would've wondered how they had even gotten into work in the first place, or if they had any customers in at all today. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Awsten sighed, closing his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Logically, he knew that this wasn’t an okay thing to be doing to his body. He fucking knew that he was going to get hypothermia or pneumonia or some dumb shit like that, but...But at the same time, did he really care?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He just had his heart broken in possibly the worst way. Walking in on...</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>That.</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Warm wetness started to streak down his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Great. He was crying. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Again.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>But...It wasn’t painful crying, no. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn't the sadness crying, no. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This crying was Awsten's physical body begging him to go someplace warm. Get warm, get dressed, get some food or liquid into it, and just fall asleep. <br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Small parts of the numbness started to fade. He still felt numb, that was for sure, but parts of his mind started to clear somewhat, allowing more coherent thoughts to form.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, how much he wished he could do just that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>How badly he wished he could just go back to his apartment and cuddle up on his warm, soft, cosy bed, and fall asleep listening to his sleepy-time playlist. How much he wished he could just drink some warm coffee and be wearing clothes that weren't clinging to his body. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awsten?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew that voice like the back of his hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Normally, he would be happy to hear that voice. Although he heard it often, it still made him feel good. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well. <em>Supposed to feel good. </em></span>
</p><p>
  <span>But his body was <em>still numb.</em></span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <em>Stupid numbness. Ruining nice moments.</em>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turned his head around and glanced upwards at the man standing behind him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awsten?” Geoff knelt down, eyes filled up with horror. His own brain was making his body go through the awful ‘you’re gonna die’ sensations right now; racing heart, vision slightly blurred, knees weak, the whole lot. Awsten looked...Fucking awful, for lack of a better word. </span>
  <span>His hair was matted in weird places, looking like it had either not be combed through in ages or someone had been grabbing him by it and tossing the human around, a mixture of snot and tears pooled at the area above his lip, the obvious stains of blood that had been wiped off tinting the thick liquids a shade of red, his skin seemed to be turning an awful shade of blue that Geoff hadn’t ever seen before - it was sickening. “How long have you been here, Awsten?” Geoff didn't wanna speak too loudly. He didn't wanna startle him.</span>
</p><p>Geoff was in a weird state of shock. For once, he decided to drive over this overpass on the way back from the studio. He had only gone in for a few hours to sort some stuff out, and as much as he didn't want to because of how shit the weather is, he decided to go anyways. And fuck, was he glad he did. He didn't even want to think about what situation Awsten would be in a few hours time...How his body would be. </p><p>If he would even be alive. </p><p>"Aws..Awsten? C'mon, what's up?" He gently reached out and brushed his fingers over the younger boys shoulder.</p><p>
  <span>There was no verbal response. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All Awsten did was shrug his hand off. Awsen<em> himself</em> didn’t even know if he was capable of speaking, honestly. His body was so numb that he couldn’t physically open his mouth to say anything. Yet, even if he was able to open his lips, there were no words that he could even think of to actually say. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Awsten. C’mon. Let’s get you hom-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A weird mumble of...what could only be described as protest echoed in the air. Awsten had crossed his arms in front of his chest and started to shake his head furiously, as if that was going to be the last thing he was going to do. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite the numbness that he was feeling, Awsten knew that going home was going to be a mistake. It was going to be a bad thing to do. And he didn’t wanna do a bad thing-!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. Awsten.” Geoff’s stomach sank as the realisation of what happened started to dawn upon him. “We’re going to my home. Not…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Should he even say her name? Or would that make Awsten have a full on meltdown? If he even had the energy to have a meltdown, that is…</span>
  <span>Should he say ‘their house’ or ‘her house’? Technically, it was Her’s, and they had planned to officially, legally, move him in at the end of next month, but he spent so much time round there that he had basically moved in already. Yet saying that could, once more, lead to him getting distraught. It was fucking hard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re going to mine. Okay?<em> My-</em>" Extra emphasis on the 'my' "-house.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yours..?” Awsten’s voice was deep and croaky. It sounded like he had just performed a show while sick (which was common, actually. Especially in the UK and EU), yet worse. “Your home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My home.” Geoff confirmed. “C’mon. My car’s at the end of the street, by the store over there.” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The store.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The store that was lighting up the street. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Awsten used the little energy he had left to lift up his arms and leant backwards against the man's legs, looking up with dead eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wanted to be picked up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Geoff knew that there was definitely something up with Awsten’s brain. Not just because he was sitting on the side of an overpass in a fucking rainstorm wearing clothes that he would normally wear during the spring/summer time, but there was a certain type of...babiness? That seemed to have just flooded his entire personality. Right now he was acting like a child that wanted to be picked up - arms up, making direct eye contact, the whole lot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something had happened to him, and Geoff knew that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And that? That fucking hurt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Don't you wanna walk, Awsten?" Geoff asked. Awsten replied with another shake of the head, this time being a lot less violent and harsh. "I can't pick you up? Awsten-" He sighed, knowing that it was a lost cause. "Okay, c'mon." Geoff placed his hands underneath Awsten's armpits, dragging him up to his feet. He instantly spotted Awsten's legs start to collapse underneath his tiny weight. He quickly moved one of his arms to behind his knees, all while moving his other arm around his back - lifting Awsten up in a bridal-style fashion. "That comfy, Aws?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Mhm." It wasn't exactly the response Geoff was expected, but at least the noise<em> sounded</em> somewhat content. </span>
</p><p>"We'll get you home, bud." Geoff said, sighing under his breath. Awsten hadn't always been a heavy person, but today he just seemed a bit too light for Geoff's liking. </p><p>Something was definitely up with Awsten's brain, and Geoff knew that he had to do everything in his power to help his best friend out. </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Sorry As I'll Ever Be</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Awsten needs to apologise.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter can be quite triggering, so please be warned!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“What the <em>fuck</em>?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The voice blared in Awsten’s head like a siren. He flinched back, covering his ears, bracing for some kind of physical impact. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had never happened, but it </span>
  <em>
    <span>could </span>
  </em>
  <span>happen. One day he could get something thrown at him, or a fist landing right in his stomach, or a cut or a graze across his legs, and every single time one of these fights happened, he braced himself for that event to happen right there and then. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You burnt the fucking eggs, what the fuck? Are you<em> dumb</em>, Awsten? Huh?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t know how to respond. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead, he just stood there, head bowed slightly but eyes still looking upwards at them. He knew that he was stupid. That it was his fault that he burnt the eggs. They were fucking eggs, after all! How does somebody burn an egg!? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>If only he hadn’t been on a call to the studio. If only management had waited another hour, or he just ignored their call. Awsten knew that if he did that then this whole talk wouldn’t be happening in the first place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, you’re just gonna stand there gormless, huh?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m s-s-s-s-orry.” Awsten whispered. “I didn’t mean to burn the eggs!" He paused, bowing his head in complete and utter shame. "But it’s my fault. It is my fault that I burnt the eggs, and I can only apologise for my stupidness. Is there anything that I can do to make it up to you?” It was robotic as hell. But he knew that what he was saying was the truth; he burnt some food. Some food that was hard to burn in the first place, so he needed to apologise and try and make it up to them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You know what you have to do. You’ve done it before, Awsten.” They took the frying pan off the stove, walking over to where Awsten was standing-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fear. </span>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Frying pan. Argument. Fear. Fear. So much fucking fear!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was gonna have his head caved in! </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry!” Awsten backed into the counter he was standing in front of. The edges quickly dug into his hips, eliciting a sudden, sharp yelp. “I’m sorry, p-please-” They were holding a frying pan. This was going to be the day. This was gonna be the day where he finally gets physically hurt. And it was going to be with a fucking frying-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up!” They loudly tossed the pan into the sink. It was just to the left of Awsten. He didn't get hit. At least, not with that. “Shut the <em>fuck up</em>, stop acting like such a fucking child, fucking hell.” She sighed and grabbed hold of his wrist. It hurt, but it wouldn’t leave any physical marks, so he didn’t count it as being hurt. “Ten minutes. Bedroom. Clean up in here first. You remember how to do that, right? Clean up?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” He replied.</span>
</p><p>"Good." They nodded, smiling softly. "And you know how to make things up to me, right?" Awsten felt the hands squeeze his thigh. </p><p>It made him feel sick.</p><p>
  <em>Yucky. </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Gross.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>"Yes. I know." He said. Robotic as hell, again. "I know what to do."</p><p>
  <span>Yeah, this was how he would always make it up and apologise after they got into arguments. </span>
</p><p>Those kinds of acts that he would do in order to apologise were acts that couples were meant to find amazing. It was meant to feel amazing and great and...and like fireworks were exploding inside both of their bodies. It was supposed to feel full of love and happiness, pure and utter bliss, nothing being able to top the feeling. After the act occured, there was meant to be cuddling and kissing, maybe those cuddles and kisses getting more intense and passionate, leading to another round of the bliss.</p><p>Yet Awsten knew that he was fucked up. That he was such a dumb baby that those moments didn't feel good. For him, they would feel painful and scary. And all he wanted to do afterwards was stand in a scalding hot shower for hours on end, scrubbing away the dirty and filth he felt on his skin until blisters and scrape marks were formed. </p><p>Fuck, he just wanted to feel normal. </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ahh another chapter! <br/>uh yeah theres gonna be like one more after this,,, so yah,</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Wrecking Ball</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>'I throw my plates against the wall/And give it all I got'<br/>----<br/>Something gets broken. Something gets built up again.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Awsten stood in the kitchen, staring down at the mess below his feet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had just dropped a mug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One of<em> Geoff’s mugs</em>. It was black with dark olive green and navy blue stripes. It was a cute mug. It was the one Awsten was instantly drawn to when he opened up the kitchen cabinet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was coffee inside of it, which had also spilled everywhere. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The shards of the mug were flung out all over the tiled floor. It had split in a similar way as an easter egg would - half down the middle. Also just like an easter egg, the breakage wasn't smooth; half of the mug was, almost, perfectly intact, while the other half was the one that really did <em>s </em></span>
  <span><em>h a t t e r </em>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were so many pieces. So many <em>s h a t t e r e d p i e c e s.</em> Awsten didn’t know where <em>the fuck</em> to start with the cleanup process.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t know how long it had been since the mug broken. </span>
  <span>The only indicator of the time span that the incident had happened was the tempreature of the coffee - it had gone from a freshly boiled hot, to an uncomfortable tepid. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was so much anxiety rushing around Awsten's system. He made himself some decaf coffee to try and warm himself up, yet it was two am and he didn’t wanna wake Geoff up to ask, so he begrudgingly, and nervously, did it himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Awsten thought that he was doing something good for himself, doing this. Geoff had been constantly telling him ever since he arrived here to stop asking for permission to do normal, routine things, such as make himself food and drink, change clothes, shower, use the bathroom, etc. And as much as his <em>scared</em> and<em> timid</em> brain was begging him not to, Awsten <em>really wanted coffee.</em> </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Really wanted it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even though it was the very, very early hours of the morning, he passed out on the couch just gone seven PM, so he had basically had a full nights worth of rest built up within him, so there wasn't any sort of need to avoid coffee-like drinks. He still made himself decaf, he was worried sick that the caffeine inside of a regular coffee would induce some sort of insane panic attack, but no matter what type of drink he made, it was still a beverage for <em>himself. </em></span>
</p><p>And not for anybody else.</p><p>
  <span>And now this has happened. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All because of <em>him. </em></span>
</p><p>
  <span>Geoff was going to be so angry at him! Once he woke up and went into the kitchen he was gonna see Awsten, the mug, the coffee. Everything! There was gonna be yelling and crying and then bodies touching and-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn't want that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Awsten didn't want that!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn't wanna be in another argument, not with Geoff! He didn't wanna yell. He didn't wanna cry or sob or...or run to his room, cower away, and hide until the next day arrived. Geoff had suggested the two went ice-skating today; something which Awsten was so looking forward to. He always loved ice-skating but had stopped doing the activity because it was deemed '<em>too girly</em>' and '<em>gay</em>'. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now that this whole thing had happened, the chances of actually being allowed out were slim. If Geoff was mad, then why the hell would be willingly bring Awsten to any place out? Let alone a place where he, Geoff, didn't really overly enjoy. He liked skating, yes, but Awsten just knew, within his mind, that Geoff would much rather go bowling or something. Not </span>
  <span><em>ice skating</em>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Awsten was so nervous</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was scared, actually. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Awsten was scared about how Geoff was going to react. </span>
</p><p>He didn't know what time Geoff was gonna wake up, so he had no idea how long he needed to stand still, waiting for him to come into the kitchen and react in whatever way he did. Sure, he could clean up the mess, and he was planning on doing that the second his body became unfrozen with fear, but he couldn't just...Hide a broken mug! If he threw it in the bin, then when it came time to bringing the trash out, Geoff was going to see the mistake then! If he just stayed still and didn't clean it up, then fuck, that was just asking for a fight. Awsten had made a mistake, a big fucking mistake, and now he was gonna have to face the consequences. </p><p>
  <span>Awsten also had to pee. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Like. <em>Really had to pee.</em></span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had to pee <em>badly. </em></span>
</p><p>
  <span>The urge had suddenly hit him like a ton of bricks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This was the literal worst timing. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck, he was gonna have to wake Geoff up soon...He already didn’t ask <em>permission</em> to make coffee! The last thing he wanted was to use the bathroom without asking, too! </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears pricked up at his eyes as he gingerly leaned against the counter behind him. He shoved one hand in his crotch, crossed his legs as tightly as he could, and used his other hand to pull down the hem of his hoodie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck! </span>
  <span>What if he straight up wet himself? On the kitchen floor? While the mess of the broken mug and coffee was still here? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no!” He started whimpering to himself. “No, n-not now, no!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pain radiated throughout his lower abdomen as he shuffled around. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t know what the <em>fuck</em> he was going to do! </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What could he do? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It was extremely early in the morning, past two am by this point for certain, but still early; there was no way on planet earth that Awsten was going to shuffle into Geoff’s room, wake him up, explain what had just happened and beg to use the bathroom without utterly pissing himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At the same time, he didn’t wanna wait until Geoff woke up naturally and ask him then. By that point, he would’ve pissed himself and the mess of the whole situation would only have gotten worse. </span>
</p><p>Now he was starting to panic. </p><p>Now he could feel his palms grow sweaty and his body start to shiver. </p><p>Awsten didn't wanna have a panic attack right now. No, fuck that shit. Panicking by itself made him wanna piss, so going into an attack with the urge of wanting to use the bathroom already being there? Yeah. That was just...Not good.</p><p>
  <span>“Aws?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He jumped, looking up and letting out a loud whine. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Geoff was awake, and was looking directly at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bud? W-What happened, are you okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Geoff couldn’t quite believe his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a shattered mug on the floor. Coffee was splattered around it. How he didn’t wake up at the noise of that dropping, he didn’t know. Awsten was standing right next to the incident, looking...Uncomfortable? His legs were shaking and intertwined with each other, while both of his hands were tightly gripping his groin. His face was contorted into a horrific cocktail of pain and embarrassment -</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m-” He was whimpering and whining like mad. His arms were shaking with how hard he was clutching himself. His knuckles were also white, and it kinda made Geoff cringe a little with the thought of how tightly he was squeezing his privates. “I’m so sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Please! Please, I’m sorry-AH!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His bladder twitched. Small droplets of burning hot piss started to roll down the inside of his thigh, pooling at the small ditch that rested behind his knee. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! P-Please-! Don’t be mad!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awsten, it’s a mug. Calm.” Geoff said. “Hey, c’mon, it’s okay, don-don’t cry, hey, c-c’mon-” He reached out and gently cupped his the younger boy’s face. His cheeks were soft, but damp due to a flurry of semi-dried tears coating them. “Did you hurt your hands? Can I see your hands?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” As soon as the word left Awsten’s mouth, he started to feel himself break.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He just refused to do something. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck, indeed.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Geoff was gonna get mad at him. He was going to<em> shout</em> and <em>yell</em> and <em>get angry</em> at him for saying ‘no’. Awsten knew that saying that word was the <em>worst</em> thing you could do, especially when it came to someone telling you to do something. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked down. More specifically, down at his crotch. He could feel that his boxers had become damp and were starting to cling uncomfortably. There wasn’t any visible staining on his light grey checked pyjama pants, but then again the area that he felt was wet was being covered up by the hands that Geoff so badly wanted to see.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Awsie. C’mon. It’s okay, I just wanna see if you’ve hurt yourself-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmmhmm.” Awsten didn’t know what the<em> fuck to say.</em> He didn’t wanna show Geoff his hands, cause showing his hands would mean that he would see the fact that he was being a dumb little crybaby and wetting himself, yet if he <em>didn't</em> show his hands then Geoff would get angry at him for disobeying stuff. “G-Geoff…?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt sick at the thought of what he was about to ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Awsten? What’s up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Need…" He was stumbling over his words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Need…? What? What d’you need, bud?” Geoff paused for a split second, observing everything that Awsten was doing. Holding himself, shuffling, being tense. “Aws? D-Do you-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Needa-uh-” A small gasp slipped out as warm liquid seeped out from the gaps of his fingers. “No. I'm-I'm okay." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This. Wasn’t. Good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awsten…” Geoff sighed. There wasn’t much he could do, at this point. “Go, c'mon, run to the bathroom, it's okay, bud. It's okay, you didn't have to wait for me.” Awsten looked back up at him, nodding in a way that felt like he wanted to make sure he had Geoff’s full permission. “Yes, you can go. Go on-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry-” Awsten let out a shaky sob as he forced his legs to start moving. Geoff watched, heart aching, as he did a weird skip/jog/run towards the general direction of where the bathroom was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t make it far, though. Geoff’s apartment was small, so it only took around five to six <em>seconds</em> to actually make his way to the bathroom door, but even then, in that small amount of time, his bladder had. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well. <em>Given up</em>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Awsten let out a blood curdling sob as he collapsed into a shame-filled bundle on the floor, hands still attached to himself as piss flooded the floor surrounding him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“G-Geoff...I’m sorry-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew that he was going to be in big, big trouble now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The <em>shouting</em> was going to be too much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Screaming</em> was about to happen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was going to be such a <em>big fight. </em></span>
</p><p>
  <span>A fight which he didn’t have the mental energy to experience, right now. </span>
</p><p>All Awsten wanted to do was clean himself up and go to sleep. He didn’t wanna fight, he didn’t want <em>yelling</em> or <em>rough grabbing.</em> He just wanted...Sleep. </p><p>
  <span>Yes. He had previously slept for seven hours straight, but...Sleep sounded amazing, right now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe a hug, too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hugs felt good...<em>He wanted one.</em></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-Oh-” From the second he heard Awsten’s cries, Geoff knew what had happened. He waited a few seconds before making his way over to the bathroom door, where Awsten lay. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was hunched over himself, hands weakly swiping away at his crotch. Big fat tears soaked his face, and a large puddle of piss surrounded his frail and tiny form. And yes, it was <em>a lot </em>of piss. Geoff was shocked at how much he had held in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Awsten felt fucking humiliated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His face was burning a bright red and his heart was beating so fast it felt as if it was about to burst through his chest. Pain radiated across his entire stomach from where he had been holding in for so long, the so called 'relief' that normal people felt when they pissed just not arriving. At this point, he still hadn't realised that Geoff was standing just a few feet away from him, watching the entire situation go down. Instead, he continued to try and stop the desperate flow with use of both his hands and his muscles. Of course, it wasn't working in the way that Awsten had intended - it was only bringing him more pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aws, hey, a-are you finished?” He asked, not really knowing how ro react to this whole situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Geoff!" Awsten physically jumped. "I-I, uh-No-wait, no! Ah!" He started sobbing even harder. Awsten pulled up his sweater to cover his bright-red face but, as soon as he did so, pulled away due to the fact that it was, well, drenched in <em>piss. </em>"Please Geoff, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'll do any-anything to make it up! Anything!" </span>
</p><p>"No." Geoff, albeit gingerly, knelt down next to the boy. "No, don't apologise. Stop it. You've done nothing wrong, nothing. Listen. Listen, to me, okay? You're not a burden, Awsten. You're not a burden, nor a mistake, nor...Nor whatever you think you are in your head, alright?"</p><p>
  <span>“Me pee, though.” Awsten’s brain wasn’t even forming correct sentences by this point. “And...Break mugs.” It was obvious at this point that Awsten had, somewhat, regressed. Geoff didn’t know the mental age of him at the moment, but it was blatantly clear that he wasn’t in his late twenties, or even teens. Geoff was just thankful that Awsten could understand what he was saying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Again. You've done nothing wrong. You couldn't help it, Awsten. You didn't do this on purpose, I know that. It's alright, please don't worry yourself over this. Look, hey, look at me, are you finished? Like...Going?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Uh, I-" Awsten forced himself to sit back on his heels. "Trying to s-stop-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well don't, Awsten. Just...Just let it go, I know it feels wrong and weird, but it's really not. You need to go, forcing yourself to stop is only gonna hurt you even more, and I don't want you to hurt." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I wanna finish. Uh, mhm! Oh, uh-Wanna-Um-" He felt himself become flustered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You wanna use the bathroom?" Geoff suggested. "Finish up in there?" He watched as Awsten peered over at him. He didn't have to hear a word, or fuck it, even a nod to get a grasp of what that look said. "Okay, let's get you on a toilet then, bud."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Geoff was thankful that Awsten didn’t fight back as he pulled him to his feet - in the exact same way he did two or three days ago, at the overpass. A loud hiss left Awsten's mouth as he did so; a clear sign that he had stopped the stream. He started to gently, but also as quickly as he could, lead him into the bathroom; he opened the door, flickered on light, and started to lead him to the other side of the room, where the toilet and bath/shower combo was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"There we go.” Something was telling him to continue talking to Awsten. If he stopped, then he had a tugging feeling that Awsten was going to start panicking or freaking out again. “There we go. Look-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-oh."Awsten sounded like he was in disbelief. “Let me, uh, go-? Let me go-!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Awsten, you can go!" Geoff chuckled softly. "C'mon, sit down. Wait-" </span>
  <span>He pulled at the sodden waistband of his pants. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No!" For the first time in a long time, Awsten actually didn't feel that much fear when saying that word. "I'm doing it." Geoff simply nodded, sitting down on the floor, but making sure to have his back turned slightly - even though he knew that Awsten was in an odd, horrendously odd, place mentally, he still deserved some privacy in it all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another minute or two had passed. Geoff didn't speak, only listened to the small elicited gasps of what <em>he hoped</em> was relief leave Awsten's mouth. Eventually the small gasps stopped, the toilet flushed, followed by some shuffling and running water. Geoff still didn't look up. Again. Privacy. Awsten had been in such a vunerable state throughout his entire stay at his place, but this? This was a whole other level. It was scary. He couldn't lie about it. Geoff didn't know what the fuck to do, or how to react, or what to say in this current situation. All he felt like he could do was comfort him and hope that he got out of this state of mind <em>soon</em>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, after some more shuffles and the sound of a towel being taken off from the rack, Awsten sat down next to Geoff - the towel he took wrapped around his, presumably, naked body. </span>
</p><p>"How...How are you feeling, Awsten?"</p><p>"Kinda gross." </p><p>Oh thank fuck.</p><p>He sounded like <em>Awsten</em>, again. There wasn't an increased pitch to his voice that made it obvious that he was in a regressed mindset, no. His voice was it's usual depth again; alas, it wasn't <em>normal</em> normal, there wasn't any sort of bounce or happiness to it, he still sounded kinda emotionless, but it was...a sign. A sign that things were on the up again. </p><p>"You feel better for, y'know, <em>going</em> though?"</p><p>"I'll clean it up in a minute-"</p><p>"No, I'm gonna clean everything up, Awsten. Y'know what you're gonna do?" Geoff ran his hand down the side of Awsten's face, gently tickling the underside of his jaw. His heart sored when he saw a flicker of a smile light up upon the youngers face, even more so when a small giggle echoed out. "You're gonna run yourself a nice warm bath, and you're actually gonna relax in it. I'm gonna make us some coffee, okay? And <em>then</em> we're gonna watch a movie and spend the rest of today relaxing. Alright? Sound like a plan?" </p><p>"Sounds good, yeah." Awsten replied. He paused for a moment, hesitating, before resting his head on Geoff's shoulder and naturally curling into him. "Can we stay like this for a while?" </p><p>"Of course, Awsten." Geoff said. "Of course we can."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this hurt to write btw :(</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Zone Out</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The softness of the bedsheets and the warmness of the light is what wakes him up.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Small cracks of sunlight peeked in through the gaps in the window blinds. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Awsten weakly lifted his head up, looking around the room that he was in. It was Geoff’s. He could tell from the pale grey colour of the walls, photos of the various different countries that the band had visited blue-tacked on, the dark oak flooring that had small articles of clothing littered around on it, the desk that was nearly organised, and the white wardrobe that had been left slightly ajar. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, and the fact that the two were curled up within each others bodies. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Geoff’s was laying on his back, arm loosely draped around the younger shoulders. Awsten was on his side, facing him, arms wrapped around his neck, legs wrapped around his waist - in the same position that a sloth hugging a tree would be in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could also sense that the clothes that he was wearing were different from the ones that he was wearing last night, which was...Good. It was nice not wearing clothes that had been soaked in a mixture of tears, coffee, and piss. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Awsten pulled the sleeves of the floral sweater over his hands and the collar up to his nose. He breathed in the scent of the light coloured cotton as he found himself nuzzling into the crook of Geoff’s neck. He kept his eyes open as he did so, watching as the light from outside changed colours as the sun rose higher and higher up into the sky. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was<em> calm. So Calm.</em></span>
</p><p>He wasn’t panicking at all. </p><p>
  <span>For the first time in ages, he woke up actually feeling...Like a human.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No numbness. No pain. No ‘life or death’ sensations crippling him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a few minutes passed, Geoff started to stir. He opened his eyes and made contact with Awsten's. Smiles spread across both of their faces almost instantaneously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sleep well, dude?" Geoff asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah. Really well." Awsten pulled himself out from Geoff's grasp and stretched his entire body out as a small yawn left his mouth. "I'm thirsty." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And, without even thinking about it, without the thought of having to ask for any sort of permission, without a flicker of anxiety or fear coming into his brain, nothing like that, he swung his legs over the bed to make his way into the kitchen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The human brain was a wonderful thing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It could make your entire body feel warm, even in the harshest winters. When you were curled up on a bed with someone whom you trusted so strongly (even if there was no kind of romantic love linked within that trust), no sort of urgent tasks or jobs you needed to carry out, the feeling you got rushing through your bloodstream was something that no drug could replicate. It felt warm and cosy and...Just nice. It felt like nothing in the entire world could destroy the connection you had with that person. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even if you just had one of the worst nights of your entire life where it felt like every single thing was against you, moments like the ones Awsten was experiencing made that seem like nothing more than a passing thought, a past memory that would soon be forgotten about. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The human brain can make a person feel at their lowest low, numb, like nobody cared for them and that nobody would notice if they just disappeared, but it can also make somebody feel ecstatic and happy and loved, warm and care-free. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The human brain was <em>just a human brain, after all.</em> It had its own emotions, and with time, the positive emotions would replace the negative ones. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And AHHH! <br/>This is the end of this specific '''''book''''' thing lol, although I probably will be doing small little side 'series' in the future - they're gonna be based in the same universe, but probably in the past and future, as opposed to being in the same timeframe this story is in. Does that make sense? It probably doesn't lol, but...yah...</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is gonna be my first proper thing work thing with chapters ! and i might make it part of a series? idk yet lol</p></blockquote></div></div>
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